


we don't need to keep it hush

by jojotxt



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, I can't believe memes has its own ao3 tag, M/M, Memes, Nature is truly amazing, Please someone save Hunk, This is a romcon and a mystery fic all in one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-29
Updated: 2016-08-29
Packaged: 2018-08-11 21:39:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7908532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jojotxt/pseuds/jojotxt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>snuggle muffin (6:38): haha i know right<br/>snuggle muffin (6:38): i love you too</p><p>Pidge’s eyes widened, and she audibly gasped. </p><p>No fucking way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	we don't need to keep it hush

**Author's Note:**

> THIS CAME TO ME IN A BRILLIANT MOMENT OF INSPIRATION!!! i can't believe i've written so much in one week.. i'm on a Roll. 
> 
> Once again, THANK YOU for all of your kind comments on my fics!!! your love fills me with motivation !!!! thank you!!
> 
> this was inspired by "toothbrush" by DNCE. please check it out its such a JAM!!!!

Pidge had been watching Lance for a while now.

 

Not in like a creepy way or anything. But recently, Pidge had noticed something interesting going on with her friend. Something that may or may not involve her in some way.

 

She, Hunk, and Lance had a system. A system that had yet—until recently—been broken. Every Friday night they met up after classes in Lance’s dorm—because it was objectively the nicer out of their three dorms—and sit around with some kind of takeout, watching bad horror flicks on Lance’s television. They had a competition going, to see who could find the worst of the worst of the horror genre. So far, Lance was in the lead with his spectacular finds of _Killer Klowns from Outer Space_ and _Zombeavers_. After two or three movies, Hunk would ultimately opt out, being too afraid for his life to watch any more, and they would resort to playing Mario Kart into the early hours of the morning, or until all of them fell asleep.

 

It was a nice routine. Pidge liked routines. They were good. Nice. They were things to look forward to, a constant in a hectic college life.

 

Pidge didn’t like her routines to be broken. So, she was admittedly a little bit upset when Lance said he was going to have to miss Friendship Friday Movie Night. And without Lance, there was no apartment to ransack, which in turn meant no movies at all. Hunk didn’t own a television, and Pidge’s roommate had a strict _no guests during the weekends_ policy that she promised to uphold.

 

But, Pidge gave Lance the benefit of the doubt and assumed that him skipping out on Movie Night would be a one-time thing.

 

A one-time thing. _Not_ a two-time thing. Or a three-time thing.

 

By the fourth skipped Movie Night, Pidge was a little pissed.

 

“I mean, I can understand if it’s like, some emergency or whatever!” she had huffed, angrily stuffing mac and cheese into her mouth. “But he’s just skipping out on our _bonding moments_! And he doesn’t even give us a reason why! It’s just a pathetic text of ‘Oh hey guys sorry but I won’t be able to make it to movie night tonight. Have fun without me!’” Pidge made a look akin to one with constipation. “Does he think we can just have Movie Night _without him_! It wouldn’t be the same without his sarcastic commentary! Or his television!” She looked over at Hunk, wide-eyed. “Does he know you don’t have a television?”

 

Hunk only shrugged. “Look, I don’t think Lance is bailing on us because he hates us or anything.” He ignored Pidge’s indignant huff. “I’m sure he has a good reason for skipping Movie Night.”

 

“But what _is_ that reason!” Pidge groaned. She aggressively stirred around her mac and cheese and shoveled some in her mouth. She spoke around the food, “Hef not telling uf anyfing!”

 

“I’m sure it’s for a good reason,” Hunk offered, holding up his hands. “Look, let’s just let Lance be for right now. Whatever is going on, I’m sure he’ll work through it.” He gave a gentle, Hunk-like smile. “And then it’ll all be back to normal, all right?”

 

Pidge glared down at the dining hall’s greasy table and grumbled. “Fine. But I’m _not_ gonna be happy about it.”

 

* * *

 

It was one thing to continually miss movie night, Pidge thought. It was another to completely ignore your friends while you’re all eating lunch together.

 

Pidge glared over at Lance, who was ignorant of the anger radiating off of Pidge. He was currently looking down at his phone, grinning like a damn fool. His cheeks were flushed a rosy red and Pidge swore she had never seen Lance look so damn _pleased_ with himself. His lips were curled up ever so slightly, his eyes gleaming with happiness.

 

It was kind of nauseating, if Pidge was being honest.

 

Pidge had an iron grip on her spork, her ramen noodles left ignored in favor of staring hard at Lance. Hunk was looking nervously from Pidge to Lance, who had no idea of the storm that was brewing over Pidge’s head.

 

“So Hunk,” Pidge started, whipping her head to look at Hunk. Hunk jumped a little, wide-eyed and a little bit afraid. “Isn’t it nice that we’re all able to hang out like this, together?” She sent a nasty look Lance’s way. "It’s been a while since we’ve _all_ been able to hang out. All three of us.” She clenched her jaw. “Together.” She sent Hunk a pointed look, one that said _you better go along with this._

Hunk gulped and nodded. “Yeah. It… has been a while.”

 

Lance was oblivious.

 

Pidge inhaled sharply. “Isn’t that right, _Lance_ ,” she barked out.

 

Lance looked up, his grin fading slightly, which only pissed Pidge off more. “What?”

 

An eye twitch. “I was just telling Hunk how nice it is for all of us to be able to hang out like this.” She leaned forward, on her elbows. “Since we haven’t been able to see each other recently, reasons unbeknownst.” She grinned. “A nice, happy lunch where the three of us can catch up. One-on-one. Face-to-face.” Her grinned dropped. “Not on the phone.”

 

Lance peeked over at Hunk, who gave him a look that screamed, _don’t piss her off any more than you already have._ He sighed and pocketed his phone, grabbing the untouched apple that sat near him. “Yep. It sure it nice.” He gave a crooked grin. So, how are things in Pidge’s life?”

 

Pidge huffed and sat back, crossing her arms over her chest. “Things are fine, I guess.” She looked to the side. “Comp Sci professor is really getting on my nerves, though.” She picked at her fingernails. “He’s up my ass about a code I _apparently_ did wrong.”

 

Lance groaned. “Is it Prorok?” At Pidge’s nod, Lance sighed. “Yeah, he wouldn’t leave me the fuck alone last year when I took his mechanics class.” He took a bite of his apple and waited to finish swallowing before saying, “That dude’ll do anything to try to get you to fail. Don’t worry about it though. The dean usually whips him into shape by the second semester.”

 

Pidge managed a small grin. “Dean Alfor is pretty badass.”

 

“ _Pretty_? Are you kidding me, he is _so_ badass!” Lance grinned. “I heard one time he stopped an armed robbery, or something. Like, at the corner store a few blocks down.”

 

Hunk gasped. “The 7-Eleven?!”

 

Lance nodded. “Yeah. I heard all he had on him was a paperclip. And he managed to subdue _three_ armed guys.”

 

“ _Sick_ ,” Pidge whispered. She relaxed and smiled, sitting back in her chair. She watched as Lance animatedly retold the tale he had heard through hushed whispers, his movements and voice exaggerated. A flutter of hope bloomed in her chest and she felt herself relax.

 

Maybe things would go back to normal, after this.

 

* * *

 

Pidge contentiously stabbed at her spaghetti, her jaw clenched. She was practically _fuming_. Hunk sent her a worried gaze, chewing calmly on his sandwich.

 

She was _beyond_ pissed.

 

Sitting right across from her, unaware of the shit storm he was inadvertently brewing upon himself, was Lance, looking down at his phone once again, smiling and blushing. He hadn’t even touched his food when he sat down, and immediately whipped out his phone to start rapidly typing something.

 

Pidge was pretty sure the fork she was holding was metal, but she still felt the utensil bend under the pressure she was applying to it. Hunk reached over and plucked the fork from her grasp, setting it gently down on the table.

 

She sat back and narrowed her eyes, sending daggers Lance’s way. Her mind was like a cartoon, sending down anvil after anvil toward Lance’s precious head. She grabbed her fork again and started stabbing at her spaghetti again, which was becoming more of a soggy mush rather than the intended noodles.

 

Hunk bit his lip, resting a tentative hand on Pidge’s shoulder, as if to say _calm down._

 

But Pidge was past the stage of calming down. She felt she had a right to know what was going on with Lance, and why he decided to all of a sudden skip out on Movie Night and ignore his only friends on the rare chance he got to see them. She felt her anger was justifiable.

 

It’s not like she and Lance were the best of friends; Lance and Hunk were closer to each other, as they had been friends since practically birth. Plus, they were both one-year Pidge’s senior, and were more in-tune to college life than Pidge was. Pidge didn’t expect Lance to spill all of his deepest, darkest secrets to her. She didn’t expect that from Hunk, and she sure as hell hoped the two of them didn’t expect that from her. But she felt that she and Lance were close enough to each other that Lance could at least give a reason as to why he’s suddenly distancing himself from her and Hunk.

 

She had a right to know just a little bit, at least.

 

Pidge attempted to calm herself down by lightly stirring the marinara mush with her fork. She inhaled and exhaled lightly, sending her mind to a happy place. _One where Lance wasn’t acting like a complete tool._ She opened her eyes and mustered up a smile. “What’s got you so smiley, huh Lance?” she chirped out.

 

She didn’t miss the way Lance froze up for a second.

 

_Interesting._

 

Lance got over his temporary shock easy enough, and waved a dismissive hand. “Oh, nothing. I just saw a cool meme.” He tapped a bit on his phone and showed his screen to Pidge and Hunk. “See?”

 

Pidge gave Lance a blank stare. “Really? The Caveman Spongebob meme?” She snorted. “That’s so outdated.” She tried to ignore the pang of anger that shot through her. She _knew_ Lance was lying. Why was he lying?

 

Lance squawked. “Not true! The Caveman Spongebob meme is a classic! A _classic_ I tell you!” He grinned and glanced down at his phone. “Trust me, I’m a meme _connoisseur_.”

 

“I like the Arthur meme,” Hunk offered, grinning, taking a sip of his water. “It’s funny.”

 

“Hunk, how could you! The Arthur meme is _terrible_!” Lance frowned and shook his head. “And to think I called you my friend.” He sniffed and wiped away an invisible tear. “You used to meme so much to me…”

 

“Don’t you mean, ‘you used to meme so much to _meme_ ’,” Hunk whispered, trying hard to hide his smile.

 

Lance slammed his hands onto the table and hollered, “What the fuck! I’ve been out-memed!”

 

Pidge eyed the spectacle warily. She grimaced when Lance’s phone chimed and he stopped mid-sentence to quickly look down to see who messaged him. Her curiosity was piqued when Lance flushed red from his nose to his ears. He was grinning.

 

“Looks like I have to go,” Lance said, gathering up his things and uneaten food. He sent up a wave. “I’ll see you guys later, all right?” He started walking away and practically _skipped_ in the other direction.

 

Pidge looked down at her food and mulled over what had happened, in her mind. Lance had been ignoring them until Pidge actually started talking to him. Then, once someone texted him he immediately bolted away, happier than Pidge had ever seen him. Pidge frowned, her eyebrows furrowing. Then, she gasped, looking over at Hunk.

 

“Oh my god, Hunk. We’re being _replaced_.”

 

* * *

 

As much as Hunk had tried to console her that, _no, I don’t think Lance is replacing us as his best friends,_ Pidge still had her doubts. All of the clues… all of the suspicions in her mind pointed to Lance meeting someone else. Someone who was better than Pidge or Hunk. Someone that was cooler, maybe?

 

Pidge didn’t like to think about it.

 

The more she thought about it, the more she realized Hunk was right. The _both_ of them weren’t being replaced. _Pidge_ was being replaced. It made complete sense to her. She and Lance hadn’t been friends very long; they met each other during Pidge’s Freshman year, in a Computer Programming class. They had been friends just over a year, which isn’t that long compared to him and Hunk.

 

And of course, Lance wouldn’t replace Hunk. The two of them were practically attached at the hip, sometimes.

 

Suddenly, all of the fear and dread Pidge had been keeping to herself erupted out, and she was determined to not lose one of her best friends.

 

She didn’t exactly know how to go about keeping Lance as one of her best friends, but she assumed it all started with knowing exactly who Lance was trying to replace her with.

 

She tried subtle things, asking Lance who he was texting during lunch, to which Lance would respond with a red-faced stutter of, “no one.” She tried convincing Hunk to steal Lance’s phone so she could hack into it, but Hunk had only sent her a disappointed look, which made her feel even worse about herself. She tried sitting closer to Lance during lunch and peeking over to see who exactly he was texting, but every time, Lance would angle his phone so it was just out of Pidge’s line of vision.

 

It was getting quite frustrating.

 

“I just don’t understand,” Pidge muttered pathetically, stirring around her frozen yogurt. The multitude of flavors she had gotten were melting together, creating a rainbow colored mess that kind of looked like throw up. “What have I done wrong?”

 

Hunk sighed from above her, and bit into his ice cream bar with his front teeth like an animal. “You haven’t done anything wrong, dude. I just think… Lance is going through something.”

 

“You’ve said that, like, ten times, Hunk,” Pidge grumbled. She sighed and set her cup to the side and leaned her chin against her arms. “You don’t have anything to worry about, though. Lance would never replace you as his best friend.”

 

“You’re his best friend too, doofus,” Hunk said, patting at Pidge’s head. “He loves you like a little sister, you know that.”

 

Pidge swatted Hunk’s hand away and sat up. “I know… I guess it’s just… really frustrating not knowing what’s going on with him.” She sent up a suspicious look. “ _You_ don’t know what’s going on with him, do you?”

 

Hunk waved his hands around. “No, no. I have no clue. I’m trying to respect his space. If he wants to tell us who he’s suddenly texting, he’ll do it on his own time.”

 

Pidge pursed her lips and blew a raspberry. “But that’s so _boring_.”

 

“It’s probably your best option, though.” Hunk grinned.

 

“Yeah, yeah.” Pidge scooped up some of her yogurt and put the spoon in her mouth. “No need to chastise me.”

 

* * *

  
She didn’t mean to find out. She really didn’t. It was a complete, honest, one-hundred percent accident that she found out.

 

Pidge had resolved to listening to Hunk’s advice, and let Lance’s weird funk pass by. If he wanted to tell Pidge what was going on with him, he would let her and Hunk know.

 

It was getting really hard to ignore Lance ignoring them, though.

 

It’s not like he was _purposely_ ignoring them, like Hunk had said. Pidge could see that Lance was trying to make time for his other friends along with the mystery stranger he had befriended. He reinstated Friday Movie Nights again, even though it wasn’t every Friday night. But some Movie Nights was better than no Movie Nights.

 

Pidge was sitting on Lance’s bed, writing down some lines of code that she needed to edit by Thursday. She and Lance had decided to study together on Tuesday. She was better at coding than Lance, and Lance was better at math than she was. So they helped each other out. Lance had taken a break to go to the restroom, and was currently doing a terrible rendition of Katy Perry’s _Teenage Dream_ while pissing.

 

Pidge had missed his stupid antics. She really did.

 

She was trying to figure out the best way to write a line, when Lance’s phone started playing _Miss New Booty_ and vibrating. She jumped a bit in surprise, and snuck a quick glance over to where it sat, just out of her vantage point. She had heard that same text tone many times before, during lunch. It was the mystery person Lance had been hanging out with for the past month.

 

Pidge looked over at the bathroom door, where she heard the toilet flush. She wouldn’t have time to unlock Lance’s phone. _But… a peek wouldn’t hurt, right?_ Pidge listened to the little devil on her shoulder and quickly scooted closer to look at the texts Lance had just received.

 

 ** _snuggle muffin (6:38): haha i know right_**  
  
**_snuggle muffin (6:38): i love you too_**

****

Pidge’s eyes widened, and she audibly gasped.

 

_No fucking way._

 

She practically jumped to the other side of the bed when Lance slammed open the bathroom door, her heart hammering in her chest. She gaped down at her notes, her mind racing a million miles a minute.

 

 _No_ fucking _way._

 

* * *

 

Pidge tried to grasp at the concept. It mulled over in her mind all while she was at Lance’s, until she was back in her dorm room, looking up at the ceiling in wonder. It clouded her every thoughts during class the next day and she barely registered eating lunch with Hunk and Lance. Before she knew it, a day had passed, and she still couldn’t believe it.

 

Lance, the idiot who hit on anything with two legs, managed to score himself a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend. Or whatever. The fact of the matter was; Lance was dating someone.

 

 _Lance_ was _dating_ someone.

 

She finally got the guts to confide in Hunk on her accidental discovery.

 

 ** _me (4:28): so i found out something interesting about a week ago_**  
  
**_me (4:29): and i didn’t really know how to approach the topic but i feel like now is a good of a time as any to tell you this_**  
  
**_me (4:30): so… last week i was over at lance’s place bc we were helping each other study and work on hw and stuff_**  
  
**_me (4:30): and lance went to piss or shit or whatever_**  
  
**_hunk (4:31): gross_**  
  
**_me (4:31): i know, but lance’s digestive system is the least of ur worries w/ this story_**  
  
**_me (4:32): so while he was pissing his phone went off and u know. that song started playing_**  
  
**_me (4:33): and i just happened to be in the perfect spot for a view_**

A little lie, but what Hunk didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.

 

 ** _me (4:34): and it turns out… lance has a snuggle muffin_**  
  
**_hunk (4:35): a what???_**  
  
**_me (4:36): lance is DATING someone_**  
  
**_hunk (4:37): WHATTT how do you know?_**  
  
**_me (4:38): well, for one thing the person’s name in his phone was snuggle muffin_**  
  
**_me (4:38): instead of, you know, their actual name_**  
  
**_me (4:39): and they said ‘I love you too’_**  
  
**_hunk (4:39): touche_**  
  
**_me (4:40): so… what do we do?_**  
  
**_hunk (4:41): what do you mean???_**  
  
**_me (4:42): what are we going to do about this!!_**  
  
**_hunk (4:43): nothing?_**  
  
**_me (4:43): what do you MEAN nothing?!?_**  
  
**_hunk (4:44): the fact that he’s dating this person doesn’t really change anything_**  
  
**_hunk (4:45): i think we should still let him be. he may not be comfortable introducing us yet_**  
  
**_me (4:46): why would he be uncomfortable?_**  
  
**_hunk (4:47): maybe he’s dating a guy and doesn’t want to tell us_**  
  
**_me (4:48): unlikely. we already know lance is a flaming bisexual. he doesn’t care about that stuff_**  
  
**_me (4:49): doesn’t this interest you, though?_**  
  
**_me (4:50): i mean, for as long as you have known him, has lance ONCE EVER had a relationship_**  
  
**_hunk (4:51): well… No……_**  
  
**_me (4:51): EXACTLY!!! THIS IS LANCE’S FIRST RELATIONSHIP!!!!_**  
  
**_hunk (4:52): oh…_**  
  
**_hunk (4:52): OH!!!_**  
  
**_hunk (4:52): OOOOOOHHHHHHHHH!!!!!_**  
  
**_me (4:52): now… u understand…_**

****

* * *

  
“So how are we going to get Lance comfortable enough to where he’d be willing to talk about whoever he is dating?” Pidge sighed and took a sip of her slurpee. She and Hunk were currently sitting in one of the quads, enjoying the refreshing breeze given to them by the late Summer weather.

 

Hunk hummed and took his straw out of his cup and licked at the remaining slurpee remnants. He shrugged. “I dunno. Usually, Lance is so confident, you can’t get him to shut up about these things.”

 

Pidge nodded. “Yeah. I know.” She set her slurpee on the bench they were sitting on and leaned against the backrest. “It’s not like we can just outright tell Lance that we know he’s dating someone. He’d want to know how we found out, and then he’d probably get mad at me for reading his texts.” She pouted a bit. “Maaaan I feel bad now. For assuming he was just being a jackass. And for reading his texts.”

 

Hunk smiled. “He’s just in his honeymoon phase, I think. His whole world probably revolves around this person at the moment.”

 

Pidge groaned. “That’s so gross and romantic.” She frowned. “I hope he knows that he doesn’t have to hide these things from us. We’re not going to judge him because of who he dates.”

 

Hunk hummed. “Maybe it’s not Lance. Maybe the person he’s dating is worried about meeting Lance’s friends so early on into the relationship.”

 

Pidge gave him a blank look. “It’s not like we’re his _parents_. We’re not that intimidating.” She smirked. “Besides, all I’m going to do is warn the person that if they ever break Lance’s heart, I will break their face.”

 

Hunk visibly shivered. “You’re scary.”

 

“I’m protective of my friends.”

 

“ _Scary_.”

 

* * *

 

They tried to let Lance know that they _knew_. They wanted Lance to be comfortable about telling them things.

 

Hunk tried pestering Lance if there was anyone he _like_ liked at the moment, during lunch. Lance’s face had bloomed into a beautiful scarlet, and he had stumbled over his words, awkwardly laughing and assuring Hunk that _no, there’s no one I’m seeing right now._

 

Pidge had grinned and thought to herself, _he didn’t ask if you were seeing anyone._

 

They tried letting Lance know in subtle ways. Like when Lance left lunch early one day to meet with Snuggle Muffin, Pidge had wiggled her eyebrows in a suggestive way, and said, “Have fun.” Lance had choked on his own spit and went into a coughing fit for nearly five minutes. Then he made up some bullshit excuse that he was _just going to get some homework done early._

 

Lance _never_ did his homework early. Like, ever.

 

Pidge and Hunk would make small remarks to Lance. Like, “You seem happy” or “You’re blushing pretty hardcore there, man. Do you have a fever?” But there was one time he came to lunch late, sporting a very thick and flowery scarf, his face beet red. It had been quite hot that day, so there was no reason for Lance to be wearing such a gaudy and atrocious accessory.

 

Pidge had smirked knowingly, and Hunk hid his smile behind his hand. But neither said anything. They let Lance have a break, just that once.

 

It was nearing two months since Pidge had first had her suspicions about Lance, and she was getting more and more frustrated when she hadn’t gotten anything out of him. Even Hunk, who was usually the voice of reason, would get agitated whenever Lance bailed on them with the sad excuse of homework or classwork.

 

“This is getting ridiculous,” Pidge grumbled, slumped against the wall. She was perched on Hunk’s bed while he wrote down some formulas on a work sheet. “It’s been almost two months, and we _still_ don’t know the person’s name or even _gender_. All we have to go by is ‘snuggle muffin’, and that doesn’t help us at all.”

 

Hunk hummed and set down his pencil. “Maybe we can go up to every single person on campus and ask if they are ‘Lance’s Snuggle Muffin’.”

 

Pidge scrunched up her face. “That is… a bad idea.”

 

“Yeah, you got me there.” Hunk sighed and rubbed at his temple. “I don’t know, man. I mean, it doesn’t look like Lance is going to tell us anything anytime soon.” He sent up a tentative gaze. “Maybe we should just tell him that we know he’s seeing someone.”

 

Pidge scowled. “I don’t want to… but.” She sighed. “We may have no other choice.”

 

Hunk nodded. “When and where should we do it?”

 

Pidge shrugged. “I think our best option would be to corner him. He might run if he can escape easily.”

 

“So… his room?”

 

A nod. “Yep.” She popped the ‘p’ at the end and pursed her lips. “Let’s wait, though. Wait until we know that he’s in his room.” She played with her fingers a bit.

 

“And you’re sure Lance is going to tell us?”

 

“Oh, he’ll tell us. Even if I have to force him.”

 

Hunk shuddered. “Scary.”

 

* * *

 

Again, it was an accident. A complete and honest accident.

 

Pidge and Hunk went over Lance’s schedule and found a three-hour period on Friday, after lunch where Lance was home free from class. He would no doubt be in his room, either sleeping or playing video games online. It was the perfect time to confront him about his Snuggle Muffin.

 

They walked down the hall of Lance’s residence hall as quietly as they could. Both Hunk and Pidge knew that Lance never locked his door, which was a bad idea on Lance’s part. But he never listened to their advice, anyway. Once they got to Lance’s door, where a dry erase board hung that said, “Lance has a single!!!!”, Pidge let out a sigh and looked up at Hunk, who gave an encouraging thumbs-up.

 

Pidge nodded and swiftly opened the door, her mouth open, ready to confront Lance.

 

Her jaw nearly dropped to the floor.

 

Lance, who was sitting on his bed, with a boy—whose face was flushed a deep red, his neck covered in kiss marks—seated on his lap, _shrieked_. “ _Oh my God!”_  

 

Pidge merely gaped. She had no words.

 

Lance looked around frantically, the boy—who was blankly looking over at Pidge and Hunk—still seated in his lap. Lance made a noise akin to a dying animal and slowly laid back and then sat up again, “98…” He laid back down and sat up again. “99…” Again. “100.” He let out an over exaggerated breath and sent over a shaky smile. “Oh, hey guys. I didn’t… see you there.” The boy in his lap looked at him wide-eyed, his face screaming, _what the fuck are you doing._ “I was just doing crunches with my good friend—my good buddy ole pal amigo bro friend—Keith. In a. Totally heterosexual way. Like good friends do.” He nervously swallowed. “We were doing crunches. And. Not making out. In any way.” He closed his eyes, as if what he said physically pained him.

 

The boy—Keith—groaned and buried his face in his hands. “Oh my god, you’re such an idiot.”

 

Lance squawked. “ _Dude_! At least I’m trying.”

 

“Yes, key word: trying.”

 

“You’re so mean!”

 

“I’m not mean; you’re just being ridiculous.”

 

Pidge managed to regain her ability to talk, and she pointed at the scene in front of her, wiggling her index finger wildly. “Snuggle Muffin!”

 

Lance and Keith both gave her alarmed looks. “Wh—”

 

Pidge looked over at Hunk who was still frozen in place. She gave him an excited look. “Hunk! It’s _him_. It’s Snuggle Muffin. This guy— _Keith_ is Snuggle Muffin!”

 

“What does she mean… Snuggle Muffin?” Keith frowned.

 

“Wait a second… what the hell is going on here!” Lance glared over at Pidge.

 

Pidge grinned giddily. “Keith is Snuggle Muffin.”

 

Lance blinked. “Is that supposed to—”

 

Pidge released a sigh, still elated. “Look. Me and Hunk knew that you were dating someone. We had our suspicions early on. And…” She looked to the side, flushing nervously. “I kinda… saw a text that you were sent. Someone called Snuggle Muffin said, ‘I love you too’ so…” She grinned, scratching at her cheek. “We guessed that you were dating someone, and that’s why you haven’t been hanging out with us that much lately.”

 

Lance gaped at her. “You— _What_!”

 

“Told you they wouldn’t care,” Keith deadpanned. Then he frowned and sent daggers Lance’s way. “Also, why is my name Snuggle Muffin in your phone?”

 

Lance snorted. “Because you’re my Snuggle Muffin. That’s why.”

 

“That’s so gay,” Pidge whispered at the same time Keith groaned and hid his face in Lance’s chest.

 

Lance bit his lip. He looked from Hunk to Pidge. “So… you guys don’t care that I’m dating a guy?”

 

Hunk snorted. “Dude, we already know you’re like… super bisexual. Why the hell would we care about who you’re dating?” Pidge nodded in agreement.

 

Lance groaned. “I don’t know!” He instinctively wrapped his arms around Keith’s waist. “I was afraid, for some reason!”

 

“Well don’t be,” Pidge said. “We don’t care who you date. We were just worried because you kept bailing on Friendship Friday Movie Nights.”

 

Keith sat up straight. “Wait, what?” He glared at Lance. “You’ve been ignoring your friends to spend time with me?” At Lance’s flushed face, he said, “Dude, what the hell? That’s so stupid.”

 

Lance floundered a bit, waving his arms around. “I’m sorry! I know it was uncool! I just!” He buried his face in his hands. “I just like you so much,” he mumbled. “And I wanna see you, like. All the time.”

 

Pidge snorted at Keith’s cherry red face. “Idiot!” he hissed. He also covered his face, and suddenly there were two blushing, gay idiots sitting on the bed.

 

“Wow, this is a hot, gay mess,” Hunk mused.

 

Pidge barked out a laugh, and Lance sputtered out, “What are you guys still doing in here! Get out!”

 

“Oh, our apologies,” Pidge said dryly. “We’ll let you get back to your make out session.” She grinned broadly. “Now I see why Lance kept leaving lunch early.”

 

 _“Get out!”_ Lance shrieked.

 

* * *

 

 _ **me (1:06): [[link](http://66.media.tumblr.com/f6eadc28fb649f8f2949e5727fd38c30/tumblr_obvnbgyVJs1vs9gg5o1_400.jpg)]**_  
  
_**snuggle muffin (1:13): lance what the fuck why are you awake GO TO SLEEP**_  
  
_**me (1:14): :(**_  
  
_**me (1:15): but babe…**_  
  
_**snuggle muffin (1:16): stop sending me memes at 1 in the morning**_  
  
_**me (1:17): [[link](http://66.media.tumblr.com/d99eaf7bc82c83da8f30428e1f4d4597/tumblr_obide4V0zZ1too0fdo1_400.png)] **_  
  
_**snuggle muffin (1:18): STOP**_  
  
_**me (1:19): [[link](http://66.media.tumblr.com/196baf9ed9dd746fe85b065e21f5bdc9/tumblr_o731u6E1kn1sk0qxvo1_400.jpg)]**_  
  
_**snuggle muffin (1:19): I SWEAR TO GOD**_  
  
_**me (1:20): stfu you know u love them**_  
  
_**me (1:21): u love my cheesy romantic memes**_  
  
_**me (1:21): admit keith**_  
  
_**me (1:21): u loooooooooove them**_  
  
_**snuggle muffin (1:22): shut up i hate them**_  
  
_**me (1:23): u know i can see u smiling ur literally laying right next to me**_  
  
_**me (1:23): i can tell ur lying**_  
  
_**me (1:24): just admit it keith**_  
  
_**snuggle muffin (1:25): fine. I love your memes**_  
  
_**snuggle muffin (1:25): but I love YOU more**_  
  
_**me (1:26): damn snuggle muffin that’s so smooth im swooning rn oh mr kogane oooohhhh**_  
  
_**snuggle muffin (1:26): don’t call me snuggle muffin**_  
  
_**snuggle muffin (1:27): ALSO CHANGE MY NAME IN UR PHONE WTF**_  
  
_**me (1:27): never**_  
  
_**snuggle muffin (1:28): im too tired to fight about this. go the fuck to sleep lance**_  
  
_**me (1:28): fine. but only if I get to be the big spoon**_  
  
_**snuggle muffin (1:29): BUT YOU’RE ALWAYS THE BIG SPOON**_  
  
_**me (1:30): suck it up little spoon and snuggle me**_  
  
_**snuggle muffin (1:31): ugh fine**_  
  
_**snuggle muffin (1:32): goodnight lance**_  
  
_**me (1:33): goodnight babe.**_  
  
_**me (1:33): u meme so much to me**_  
  
_**snuggle muffin (1:34): if i wasn’t so fucking in love with you i would punch the shit out of you right now**_  
  
_**me (1:35): ;3c**_

****

Keith looked over, eyes blank, and deadpanned, “You’re the worst.” He set his phone to the side.

 

Lance grinned. “Yeah, but you’re _dating_ the worst, so what does that say about you?” He snuggled up into the covers, making grabby hands at Keith, who merely rolled his eyes and shifted into Lance’s embrace.

 

Keith hummed. “I don’t know. I guess I must have bad taste.” He smiled when Lance kissed the side of his neck, then his jaw.

 

“Love you,” Lance murmured, smiling against Keith’s cheek. He pressed a feather light kiss there.

 

Keith flushed and grinned like a lovesick fool. “I love you too. Now go the fuck to sleep.”

 

“Aye, aye captain,” Lance laughed, giving Keith one last kiss before relaxing into the pillows.

 

They fell asleep like that, holding onto each other, smiles on both their faces.

**Author's Note:**

> killer klowns from outer space has scared me since i was a child but it's such a classic. go watch it
> 
>  
> 
> [My Tumblr](http://amedala.tumblr.com)


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